I try to say "yes" as often as I can.
I say yes to invitations. Yes to requests for help. Yes to parties. To to pretty much anyone who asks me on a date. To late night phone calls. To work requests. Yes to good food. To another glass of wine. Yes to a night with a room full of strangers.
Usually the only thing I say no to is the gym, homeless people and being a part of annoying conversation.
Sometimes it feels like an obligation to say yes. Not in the sense that I don't want to do those things, but, as my mom would say, you can't do everything. I don't feel like my friends, family, neighbors or love handles would think any less of me if I said "no", but I, somehow I would think less of me.
In my opinion, I should always be there for whoever needs that late night phone call. Do my absolute best at work, and that means saying Yes to have the work done thoroughly, rather than have it done half ass or not at all. Yes to good food and wine because 1. I love good food and wine and 2. not everyone gets to have it... I'm lucky! Yes to invitations because being around good people makes you a better person and life is worth living. Yes to a night full of strangers, because at least one person was thoughtful enough to invite me... and I should be thoughtful enough to accept.
Last week, while online looking for my better half, I found a picture of my friend Handbag. She was in a picture with the guy who had posted a profile. We'll call him Sam. Sam who forgot to crop out my friend. I was so excited about this coincidence that I emailed him immediately without thinking. Right after, light dawns, and I realize I can email Handbag directly. So I do, and then learn that Sam is a friend of Ex.
Crap.
Sam clearly didn't realize who I was. To my surprise he continued to email me even after Handbag's Hubby helped him connect the dots. I kind of enjoyed our emails. I had even met him twice before and neither time really liked him. I'm not sure if I enjoyed our email exchange simply because he's a friend of Ex and he was still emailing me. Or, if in this different context, he was someone who I'd really enjoy spending time with.
Either way, I went away for the weekend, free of the internet and returned to an invitation for drinks from Sam. Oh man. I didn't know what to do. My first instinct was to say yes. Of course. A nice night with someone I've met before and have something in common with. He could be a great guy!
Then I started thinking about it. If I go, either way, if I do or don't have a good time, I'm going to be thinking, what, if anything, is going to get back to Ex. If the tables were turned, how would I feel about this? Not thrilled, that's for sure. That's not a road I want to go down. But I should say yes! He has nothing to do with me & Ex really. We may enjoy each other's company, who knows? He may be someone I like spending time with. Then if we date and I happen to run into Ex, I should be brave enough, mature enough to handle that situation. So say yes already!!
Well, I said no. (Wimp) I decided that I'm not tough enough for this one. I lied to the poor guy. And I feel kind of bad. I email friends to get their buy in... hoping they say "you did the right thing" so that I can stop feeling guilty for lying and stop feeling bad that I wasn't brave enough to go out with this potentially nice guy simply because of who he knows, and what might happen or might not happen. But I did. I should be far enough past Ex that this shouldn't matter. But it does. And both are so disappointing.
Disappointment is something I avoid like the plague. I know... no one like disappointment... blah blah blah. But when I get disappointed I tend to take it seriously. I've lost friends because of it. I've avoided relationships for God knows how many years. And I trust to the core only a handful of people. Now if I'm going to hold people to that standard, then I had better live up to that standard myself. So that means saying yes to everything. Being brave, being the person that I wouldn't be disappointed by... that's only fair. By this definition, I didn't handle Sam very bravely. But, as my mom would say, you can't do everything.
Tonight I came home to an invitation under my door from my neighbors. Saturday afternoon they are celebrating little George's 5th birthday. And at 5pm, the adults are coming over. I was so flattered they invited me. So, of course, I said yes. Me and an entire party of people I don't know. You'd think I'd be proud of myself for being outgoing enough to say yes (i.e. show up, b/c I rarely say yes then back out). But I want to be someone I'm proud of, and that means saying yes to what life offers you, yes to people who are thoughtful... at least as often as humanly possible.
...plus, you never know who I might meet!
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