welcome home

Inevitably, every time I go home to NJ we have a blow out fight. This time, my sister had the foresight to say in advance that we should stop before it starts, but I, like a dog with a bone, persisted... "no, I'm totally calm, we're just having a conversation". Silly Julie.

After prior blow outs, I would wake up the next day and apologize, taking blame for the prior night's fight. I'm sorry I may have had too much to drink... I'm sorry I wasn't more sensitive... I'm sorry if I was rude... I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. But this time I woke up the next day feeling different. I'm not entirely sure why. I mean, it WAS partially my fault. I fully admit, when I have a point I want to get across, I push and push until the other side at least acknowledges my perspective.

Growing up I think I always had a louder voice than the rest of my family when it came to sharing opinions... or thoughts or feelings. I fully admit that I can be a roller coaster of emotion and am working on that. It has even been said in the past that my own family members were "afraid" to tell me things because they didn't know how I'd react. But over the years I've worked very hard to level out my feelings and reactions... but sometimes when the family has a "conversation" the frustrated, overwhelmed, angry Julie comes out again and that's a perfect recipe for a blow out fight.

My "take away" of this episode of "Julie Speaks Up" is there was a lot of me "making observations and suggestions" and a lot of my parents just not wanting to hear any of it or do/learn anything new. Honestly, my goal is simple : help my sister be successful while also NOT ending up a stressed out mess. In the end, I think my sister hears me, but unless she has the support of my parents, it will be very hard for her to be successful. She has a major uphill battle and I'm just concerned for her. Unfortunately, what I see at home is a lot of the same... using the same business formula for success that they've always used. Times are much tighter and you can no longer coast along doing the same old thing and hope for profitability. Frankly, I have a lot of good suggestions, I'm smart and I DO have a lot of business experience and it would be nice to see some of it implemented, but I have to accept that this is not my fight and not my job.

I think for everyone's sanity, that last visit aired the very last episode of "Julie Speaks Up". And, with this change, my parents no longer get the benefit of my perspective, but they also don't get the stress of knowing when Julie comes home, a blow out will soon follow. Maybe that's a win win.